From tob@cwis.unomaha.edu Fri Jun 11 13:04:18 1993
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Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1993 12:53:50 -0500 (CDT)
From: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
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Reply-To: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Subject: My New Job
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Status: O


  Yes, I can hear all of you fainting dead, but it is true, I now have a
job and I start today.  I can't believe it either.

Sorry I haven't written in so long, but my life has truly gone bonko. 
Even more bonko than usual if that's possible.  Let's see, what has
happened lately that you need to know about?   Well, Brian was in town a
week ago.  We blew up a lot of stuff and we made (I made; he has a degree
in Chemical Engineering but can't work a sewing machine) bean bags that he
could take back to Colorado and juggle.  Not Colorado, the bean bags.
   I invented a game called "R.O.L.P.ian Land Croquet" with Scott and I am
the undisputed champion.  Imagine a cross between miniature golf with LOTS
of very strange obstacles and croquet at tea time and you have ROLPian
Land Croquet.
  I got a new Y.M.O.  cd.  It's their '79 world tour and it is so cool
that I won't let anybody listen to anything else as long as I am around. 
YMO is the best!  I love YMO.    Speaking of music, I think the name of my
new band is going to be "Tob Eccolab".

Anyway, my job.  Check this out; only I could get a lame job like this.

I put stacks (and stacks and stacks...) of tortillas through a metal detector.
Bozotic, eh?  Yep, that's what I do.  Detect metal in tortillas.  Most
people don't know that you have to check tortillas for excess metal
content.  I know I didn't.  But you do.  Last night over 87,000 tortillas
passed through my hands and consequently through the metal detector and
only about 60 had too much metal in them.  So I had to throw them out. 
Why did I have to throw them out?  Well, think about it.  Would you want
to be stopped by airport security because your tortillas made you a
suspect?  I think not.  I am the person who MAKES SURE you can take your
tortillas on an airplane.  Imagine the embarrassment you would go through
if it weren't for me.  Remember this the next time you are eating a
burrito at 10,000 feet and thank Tob for facilitating it.
   If they dump the bad tortillas in the ocean and they wash up on the
beach and get buried by sand, I think it would be funny if a beachcomber
found them.  Imagine:

beep....beep....beep....BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

"Whoa there Bubba!  I think we found sumptin!  Start a'diggin!"

"I'm-a diggin' Roy!"

"What is it?  Treasure?  Gold?  Watergate tapes?"

"Nope.  It's tortillas, Roy."

"Well, don't just sit there Bubba, git out the picante sauce!"

Hmm.  Maybe not, but it sure conjures up a hell of an image.  Tortillas. 
God I am sick of tortillas.
____________________________________________________


How to make a sandwich:

  Get two pieces of large bread, whatever flavor.  Butter each side of
each.  Heat up a frying pan.  Get a wierd cookie cutter and stamp out a
hole in one of the pieces of bread.  Eat the piece you stamped out.  Put
the bread in the pan and start grilling.  Crack an egg into the hole of the
piece of bread with the hole in it.  When the egg sets, turn both pieces
of bread over.  Put a few slabs of Monterrey Jack cheese on the piece of
bread without the hole.  When it starts to melt, sprinkle it with bacon
bits.  When the egg is done in the middle of the bread, put that piece on
top of the cheese-piece and eat.  Drink a glass of Tang(tm) and you are
done with breakfast.   This is what I ate for breakfast this morning.  I used
a  moose shaped cookie cutter to make the hole, therefore I had a moose
shaped egg.  The cheese was hot.
                                __________________________________________


E is a cubical bean bag made of denim.
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;


   I am going to wash my hair now.

See you all later.

Tob




::::::::I'm a noodle.   Recipes via `finger'    tob@cwis.unomaha.edu::::::::