From tob@cwis.unomaha.edu Tue May  4 01:05:37 1993
Return-Path: <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Received: from cwis.unomaha.edu by ccu.UManitoba.CA
	(4.1/25-eef) id AA19181; Tue, 4 May 93 01:05:34 CDT
Received: by cwis.unomaha.edu (5.65/DEC-Ultrix/4.3)
	id AA04676; Tue, 4 May 1993 01:05:28 -0500
Date: Tue, 4 May 1993 01:05:03 -0500 (CDT)
From: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Sender: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Reply-To: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Subject: Ferrets
To: New Subscribers <bjdorris@acs.harding.edu>, cdibble@acsu.buffalo.edu,
        gt6877c@prism.gatech.edu, umdesch4@ccu.umanitoba.ca
Cc: kassover@ac.grin.edu, Suzi From The Bar <grimm@cwis.unomaha.edu>,
        Kevin Ortman <ortman@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Message-Id: <Pine.3.05.9305040035.E2356-d100000@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=US-ASCII
Status: O


Just a quickie:

I was driving home from my parents house and this kid on a bike whips around
a corner and I managed not to kill him.  As he swung by, I saw that he had
a ferret on his shoulder.   The first thing that popped into my head was a
bastardization of the Beastie Boys line, "Who's that sucker with the ferret
on his shoulder?"

  Then I thought I'd like to meet that kid at a party.  I'd go up to him
and say, "Look kid, if you want to be a pirate, you have to get your mascots
straight.   That's PARROT;  P  P  P puh puh puh, not FERRET!   What, do you
want to be a firate who can't sfeak English?  Fardon me, but I think you'd
be better off futting more attention into flaying a musical instrument.  I
don't think you'll make it as a firate".      <-- Kept me amused all day.

  Next ferret story:

 I used to work at this place called Midwest Sound and Lighting.  I was
the guy.  There was another guy that I worked with named Steve Reckinger.
We called him Clarence because that was his middle name.  I still call
him Clarence.
   Anyway,  Steve sings for a band called On The Fritz (headed up by
two twin brothers with the surname of Fritz, get it? Erk.) and he often
had female admirers paying social calls to him at work.
   One day, a lovely woman came into the store and asked for Steve.  I went
and got him, but I stayed in the showroom with them (she was rather
attractive).  As I casually eavesdropped into the conversation, I noticed
that the young ladies' handbag was moving quite unnaturally.  I stopped
staring at her and started observing her purse.  The damn thing was going
crazy.  It seemed alive.   Without interrupting the conversation, the
woman unzipped her bag, and a ferret jumped to the ground.  Steve and
this girl acted like nothing out of the ordinary was happening and just
continued their talk.  I was staring at a ferret as it ran toward me while
I was trying to pretend that I wasn't paying any attention.
   Of course, the ferret came over to me while I was behind the mixing
board counter and started to climb up my leg.  As casually (and as coolly
as I can be; which is pretty cool) as possible I said, "Clarence, there's
a ferret on my leg."
   Steve looked at me and said, "You're a noodle."   He always calls me that.
Before I could reply, the ferret jumped off my knee to explore something
more interesting behind a speaker cabinet.   I figured I'd just better
write this one off, so I went back to the loading dock to smoke a 
cigarette.  Bob (our computer guy) was back there.   I said, "Bob, there's
a ferret in the showroom."
   Bob said, "Oh yeah?...Here, gimme a hand with these bar codes, willya?"
I did.    I saw Steve about a half an hour later.  I asked him, "Hey
Steve, she was lovely, why does she keep a ferret in her purse?"
   "Because if she doesn't, it will get under the pedals when she drives
and she doesn't want to squash him."  He replied.
   "Oh."  I said.  Steve is a rock and roll star, so I didn't question
it any further.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

  Another ferret story:

I am friends with a beautiful young woman (who I'm going to teach how to
play bass starting tomarrow) that had a frat-boy boyfriend a little while
back (I don't hold this against her; she was confused).   It turns out
that ol' Fratboy had a pet ferret and thought he was pretty cool because
of it.  Fratboy's ferret had some macho-cool-fratboy name and was thought
to be the neat thing over at Fratboy's frat house.   Apparently (as the
story goes), one night at a frat party at the frat house, Fratboy wanted
to be cool and garner some attention, so he went and got his ferret.  The
beautiful young woman (who admits to being inebriated at the time) saw
the ferret and screamed, "Binky!!"
  Mr. Fratboy didn't like his cool-macho-hoss ferret being called `Binky',
but to the credit of the beautiful young woman, she persisted in calling
the ferret `Binky' and soon had a major contingent of the party doing the
same.   Fratboy was enraged.  The ferret didn't mind since it was recieving
a lot of attention.   Fratboy ranted and raved.   Beautiful Young Woman
did not desist calling his pet `Binky'.  Soon, many party goers were calling
the ferret `Binky'.

  I don't know how the story really ends; the B. Y. Woman in question has
yet to give me the details, but I get the feeling that Fratboy had to put
up with (and being degraded by) `Binky' comments for quite a while.   All
I know is that if Fratboy continues to hassle my friend, I might have to
do something drastic.  I don't like him.  He's not even cool enough to
have a ferret (but to tell you the truth, I don't know if he has it
anymore, but trust me, he still isn't cool).

_ _ _ _ _ _

Ok, so those are the ferret stories.   I gotta go, and what ever weird
stuff happens, I'll keep you updated.

Tob



...............................................................................
:I am a clueless newbie.    More info via `finger'        tob@cwis.unomaha.edu:
:.............................................................................: