From tob@cwis.unomaha.edu Fri May  7 07:13:09 1993
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Date: Fri, 7 May 1993 07:10:54 -0500 (CDT)
From: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Sender: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Reply-To: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Subject: Soaking Geris
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Allllllllrightyyyy...

First off, everybody say `Hi' to Tom the Wonder Wierdo out at Drake ("Hi
Tom!"), and also make goofy faces at Brenna for "absolutley FORCING" me to
tell this story.   I must warn everyone that this is an extremely RUDE
documentation of my not-too-distant past.  I realize I wasn't exactly
politically correct back then, but I probably never will be, gimme a break.

o     o      o       o         o             o                o          

   One night Brian (old friend; partner in crime) and I were with a few
mutual friends (collectively known as The Vanagang) in downtown Omaha.
It was a weekend, and we didn't have anything better to do than to hang
out in the Old Market.   We were just walking around looking for something
to do, and so were a few thousand other people (soon to become random
victims).
   We went into a place called `The Passageway' which is basically a covered
alley between two buildings, but you'd never know it and it looks like a small
shopping mall along the lines of something you'd see in Soho, only less
populated.  The atrium of this place is really slick in an old world way, and
plants sit on window sills for five floors up.   If you ever come and visit
me, remind me to take you there, it's pretty cool.
   We were up on the top floor looking down at all the tourists and locals
feeling a little obnoxious.  I spied a garden hose hooked up to a spigot that
was apparently used to water the plants on that level.  I didn't think twice
about it.  I grabbed the hose and dragged it to a footbridge that led between
the two buildings.  This overpass was right above the main entrance to this
place and I draped the hose over the edge so it was aiming at anyone who
walked in.  I informed Brian and the rest of our minions of my intentions,
and a plan was set.
   I told Brian to stand ready at the spigot while I observed the traffic
below.  On my signal, he was to release a short burst of water (just on
and off) that would splatter the unsuspecting pedestrians underneath us.  We
would then make our escape down a disused stairwell and out onto a sidestreet
before anyone knew what happened.  A perfect prank predictably precarious
performed by pedantic punks perpetrating perverted p...(oh wait, my
alliteration alarm is going off...hold on...)

  Okay, where was I?  Oh yeah:

  Brian had his hand on the knob that would unleash hydrogynous discomfort,
while I reconnoitered the scene.  Finally a target came to bear:  A four-some
of senior citizens enjoying a night on the town.  I whispered to Brian,
"Geriatrics at twelve o'clock!", and his face brightened as his hand tightened
on the knob.   At last the four geris (short for Geriatrics) were in my sights
and I gave Brian the signal.  Even before checking the results of our actions,
we rushed down the escape route while telling Brian to stop screaming (this
would later become tradition).
   On the sidewalk outside as we were catching our breath, I asked Brian how
much water he thought got released.  He said, "What do you mean?"
   I said, "How long did you leave the water on?"
   He said, "What do you mean `how long'?  I LEFT IT ON!"
   "Oh boy!"  I said as I led our expidition around to the entrance of the
Passageway.

  We were greeted with the sight of about six inches of standing water and
people freaking out all over the place.  Two of the restaurants on the bottom
floor were evacuating.  The chaos was spectacular, but we took our cue and
beat a hasty retreat.

  We did this every weekend after that.  When they took the knob off the
spigot, we brought our own pliers to do the trick.  When they took away
the hose, we brought our own 5-foot adapted pieces.  When they locked the
gate to the top level, we climbed down from the roof.  When they Tobproofed
the fire escape, we were up a creek.  Still, we never did get caught, and
we still made clockwork chaos.

Eh, so we were bored, sue me.

Tob



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