From tob@cwis.unomaha.edu Mon May 10 16:04:18 1993
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Date: Mon, 10 May 1993 16:01:43 -0500 (CDT)
From: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
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Subject: Need to know...
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Okay!  Today is going to be a little different than usual.   I got a lot of
topics I want to cover as fast as possible, so bear with me today.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FIRST:

  It has been suggested by a few that I should have my own newsgroup.  I, of
course, think that this would be a riot.  I would be able to reach far more
people, and we'd really start to have some fun then.  If you would like to
do me a favor (or at least cause some trouble in my name), please post a
request for `alt.fan.tob.(whatever)' to alt.fan.jen-coolest;  I'll explain
later.   Use your imagination, or join a flame war, or just do your own thing;
but I beg you all, post something on alt.fan.jen-coolest     You'd be helping
me out, she's a friend of mine, but to keep the joke running, act like she's
your mortal enemy.   She knows that this might happen since I told her
that I would tell all you to post in my favor.  Jen and I are just trying
to cause an uproar, but don't tell anyone I told you that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SECOND:

  Go to your spice rack.  Get the paprika.
  Go to your refridgerator, get out your stuffed green olives.

Take an olive out of the jar.  See that little orange thingy sticking
out of the hole?  That's a pimento, right?  Of course; everybody knows that.
Now here's the good part.  Pimentos and paprika are THE SAME THING!
I discovered yesterday that paprika is dried powdered pimento peppers.
This was amazing to me.  I thought I'd better tell someone.  I learn something
new everyday!
  So in case you have some olives and they don't have any pimentos in them,
just get out your paprika and corn starch, mix up a little paste out of them,,
and then proceed to stuff your own olives.  How many people do YOU know that
can say they've done this (besides me, of course)?  This will give you
something to do on nights when you can't get a date (everynight for me; but
at least I have four jars of Tobstuffed olives now).

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

THIRD:
                      Poisonous Tree Frogs

Okay, okay.  Who thought _this_ was a good idea?  Poisonous tree frogs.
They frighten me.  These frogs are really small, are brightly colored,
and generally have sweet dispositions.  So why make them poisonous?!  This
is just a really BAD idea as far as I am concerned.  Oh, I'm sure you're
all laughing at me saying, "Ha!  Tob is a weenie!  He's afraid of cute
little frogs!"

  Yeah, laugh now you bozos, but try to sleep tonight as I spell this out
for you.

  Imagine you are just walking through the forest minding your own business,
thinking about life, love, lunch and licorice (or whatever you think about
whilst walking thru the forest).  You're just out enjoying a beautiful day,
maybe by yourself, or maybe with a loved one.  You are enjoying the scenery,
the natuarally perfumed air, the singing of the birds, and the sound of
a faint trickle of water from a spring nearby.  However, the one thing that
you are unaware of is the little Poisonous Tree Frog perched twenty feet
above you in a tree.  The Frog doesn't even acknowledge your presence, and
frankly, you don't notice the frog's.  The frog (in its frog-like ways) just
jumps as carefree as can be; he's a frog, he can do these kinds of things.
You are staring through the canopy at a cloud formation that vaguely reminds
you of Mt. Fuji.  Right about then, the frog (ending his descent) lands on
your shoulder, then hops away in his pursuit of whatever he's persuing.  Did
the frog even notice you?  No.  Did you even notice the frog?  Barely.  You
distractedly brush at you shoulder, but to no avail; there is nothing there.
But before you can take two more steps, the frog's subcutaneous poison has
reached your nervous system and you flail to the ground wondering what the
hell has happened, but before you can even answer yourself, YOU ARE DEAD
BECAUSE SOME FROG SERENDIPIDOUSLY LANDED ON YOU.

Poisonous Tree Frogs:  Not a good idea.  Think about it.

                           {O}-{O}-{O}-{O}


 There is some debate over the kind of underwear I wear.  I wear white,
boring, Fruit o' the LOOM type briefs.  Some people are trying to convert
me to boxers.  I have never worn boxer shorts in my life.   Many people
tell me it is the only way to go.  I tell them that the only way to go is
to wear no clothes to begin with.  They laugh.  I'm serious.
  Before I take the giant step towards boxers, I thought I'd ease myself
into them.  My first compromise has been to wear colored briefs.  I wore
red yesterday.  I am wearing blue today.  I can't believe it myself; I have
been continually checking to see if I am really doing this.  The bad thing
is that I can't imagine what everybody is thinking when I look into my
trousers.

+     +     +     +     +     +     +     +     +     +     +     +     +

Well, enough for now, gotta bolt, but remember; POST SOMETHING 
TO alt.fan.jen-coolest and tell those dweebs we need
alt.fan.tob.what.the.hell.is.he.talking.about   (or whatever you see fit!).

I would appreciate this muchly if you can do it!

More later,
Tob




<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>-<*>
|You think YOUR life is stupid?  HA!  For proof, `finger' tob@cwis.unomaha.edu|
|_____________________________________________________________________________|