From tob@cwis.unomaha.edu Mon Oct 11 19:01:54 1993
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Date: Mon, 11 Oct 1993 18:06:33 -0500 (CDT)
From: Tob Wood <tob@cwis.unomaha.edu>
Subject: More on cars...
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Status: RO


  Still thinking a lot about cars and the roles they play in society.
Taxis, Police vehicles, buses, and the like all have a certain stigma
attached to them.  UPS trucks.  Why do they even bother painting their
logo on the side?  Why do dogs bark at them?  [Dogs bark at UPS guys
out of anger.  Ever try to UPS a package to a dog?  Dogs do not have
opposable thumbs, therefore cannot hold the pen to sign the clipboard,
hence cannot receive packages.  You'd be pissed off too.  Ever try
to UPS a package to a cat?  Cat doesn't give a damn.  You don't EVER
see a cat going ballistic when a UPS truck drives by.]

   So I saw an ambulance go screaming by yesterday and thought, "Hey,
an ambulance.  A rescue vehicle for the physically injured."
   Which led to this train of thought  -->  Ambulances are special cars
that help physically injured people; what are the special cars for EMOTIONALLY
injured people?  Aha!  I sense an opportunity!
     I would like to start the concept of a vehicle called an `Ambience'.
Similar to an Ambulance, an Ambience would be a modified van, but instead
of medical equipment in the back, there would be mood lighting and soft
music.  The lighting, music, and various props would be case-specific to
the emotional injury at hand.  As an example, I present this little
playlet for you to familiarize yourself with this idea.

  (Bob, a salary man, 30ish, comes into the office a little late, a little
disheveled, and obviously in a great deal of strife.  He encounters two
co-workers named Jane and Bill who are deeply concerned.)

  Enter Bob, stage left

Bill:  Good morning Bob!  
Jane:  Hi Bob!
Bob:  Mmmrning.
Bill:  Gee Bob, what's wrong?  You don't look so hot.
Jane:  Yeah Bob, you seem to be in a great deal of strife.
Bob (emoting heavily):  My girlfriend left me last night!
Bill:  OH MY GOD!  Call an Ambience!!
(Jane rushes to a phone, dials 911, and gives directions to the operator)
Bill:  Now Bob, just lie down and relax, the Ambience is on its way...
Bob (sobbing uncontrollably): ...Connie...boo..hoo...Connie...
    (Ambience arrives; Ambience personel rush in)
Ambience Driver:  Okay!  What's the problem?!
Jane:  His girlfriend left him!
Ambience Driver (to other Ambience Tech):  Quick!  Get him in to the back!
     Prepare a solution of 4OO cc's of Scotch in 2OO cc's H2O!

(Ambience Tech opens the back doors and inside we see a dim, wood panelled
room, a bar that your elbows would stick to, and two barstools.  The only
light comes from a 4O watt bulb behind a green shade, but the light can
barely penetrate the week old cigarette smoke.  Dave Brubeck can be heard,
and as the Ambience Tech props Bob up on a stool, the Driver hands Bob 
his drink and puts a bowl of stale pretzels in front of him.  The Ambience
Tech closes the doors and turns to Bill and Jane)

Ambience Tech:  He'll be okay folks, now please stand back.

(Ambience Tech jumps into the drivers seat and the Ambience roars off
with a squeal of tires and wail of sirens)

Jane:  Gosh, I sure hope Bob will be okay.
Bill:  Of course he will, those guys are professionals.  Just thank
      {insert appropriate deity here} Tob's Ambience Service could
      come to the rescue!

                               Curtain

   Okay, now I know that this was a little overdone, but think of the
other possiblities.  Imagine that you went to Italy on vacation, and
when you got back the stress of regular life made you unable to function.
What do you do?  That's right, call an Ambience.  They show up in a matter
of minutes and they put you in the back.  Of course this time instead of
a seedy bar, it looks like a small Italian bistro complete with checked
tablecloth, candles, mandolin music, hanging ferns, the aroma of garlic
and a waiter named Angelo with a maroon apron tied around his waist.  You
get in, and he hands you a steaming cappucino and a plate of orange
flavored biscotti.

  Your four year old child gets sick and is screaming its head off?
Call an Ambience.  Front door service, and there's a guy in a purple
dinosaur costume in the back.

  I'm ready to make millions serving humanity in this fashion.

Tob

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